Monday, September 12, 2016

A Rant About How I Am Stressed and I Am Lucky

I'm up early, scrolling through one of my favorite educational blogs for ideas about connecting with my students. I forgot to pick up the pictures I had printed yesterday (one of each of my students, to display in the hall outside the classroom), and I'm wondering if I should grab them on the way to school or keep that precious time for lesson planning and get them on the way home, but the boys have a brand new babysitter today and I also want to leave plenty of time to get home and see them and thank her for saving our asses on the preschool pick up front. The weekend was super busy with visiting with family and previewing music classes. I think it's funny that I thought I would paint my nails when I barely got lunches packed and there are still wedding and thank you cards sitting on my desk that I meant to send out a solid month ago.

I need more time.

I was getting stressed out yesterday because the beginning of things is hard and I often lose sight and think that means my life is hard. We're adjusting to a totally new school structure for the boys, and life in this big new house, and plunging back into the busy that I missed so much over the summer. It's hard right now, to smooth the edges into a routine that works for us, and I angrily got into the shower and a poor stupid spider fell out of the shower curtain and my frustration outweighed my terror (nothing is worse that spiders when you're naked and vulnerable) and I smooshed that poor guy while shouting "I JUST WANT FIVE MINUTES IN THE SHOWER WITHOUT SOLVING A PROBLEM YOU ASSHOLE." Ben walked to the door of the bathroom, observed my wet naked freak out, and turned around and left.

But then I got back under the water and started thinking, and breathing, and remembering that I am so stupid lucky. Luckier than I realize most of the time. My house is harder to manage because it is bigger, because we live somewhere with enough space for our kids to play and for us to each have our own domains to be alone and put out all our weird collections. Drop off/pick up is much more complicated because the boys are in Real School, interacting with kids and learning skills and it's so, so good for them, even if the hours are ridiculous for working people. I'm overwhelmed at work because I am meeting 19 new children who have already become my classroom family, kids I am privileged to teach at work with a team that I adore. It IS hard, don't get me wrong, but totally worth it,

It feels very Pollyanna to flip the script in this way. I want to be dark and sarcastic and go on Twitter rants about it being a woman's job to arrange childcare (and I have done all these things), but the reality is that I have a damn good life and all of my "problems" stem from the riches I have in the form of a healthy family, lovely home, and rewarding career. So wah, feel sorry for me. Yeah, I'm allowed to be stressed- things are truly stressful right now. I'm allowed to feel overwhelmed at the New that is shaking down right now. But I also need to take a few deep breaths, check in with all the positives I'm rocking, and take care of business. 

I stayed up late to pack lunches and write notes to my sons' teachers. I'm going in to school early today to get ahead of the week. I'm a little stressed, but I am doing something about it. I wish you the same kind of success.

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At September 12, 2016 at 7:03 AM , Blogger Susie said...

You're amazing Ashlie! Love your blog, never stop writing and being exactly who you incredibly sweet, smart and endearing.

At October 8, 2018 at 3:47 AM , Anonymous Cara said...

It is amazing that people describe these things.


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