Friday, January 27, 2017

It's OK Not To Get Used To This

"A world in flux is assumed; it is the only constant in life." -Narrye Caldwell

These words resonated directly to my heart this morning. I was reading about the Year of the Rooster and author was talking about how Chinese traditions of wisdom are "systems of pattern identification that guide us in adapting gracefully to change." Adapting gracefully to change.

I'm frustrated right now. I want to fight. I want to rest. I want to give my all to my students, my biological children, my friends, my husband. I want to process ALL THIS INCOMING INFORMATION. I want to go to every rally, and read every book, and be a part of every get together. It's not all fitting. And I'm beating myself up over it.

I keep thinking "If I can just get a better routine. If I can just get a LITTLE more organized. If I can just get THE GROUND UNDER MY FEET. Then it will click. Then everything will fit. Then everything will stop changing." But that's just not the truth. It's not all going to fit into every day. And I have to let go of that (impossible, foolish, selfish) dream.

So, if you're like me (bless you, I know what it's like to have THAT mind) and everything feels uprooted right now, take a breather. The only constant is change. It's okay to take it one day at a time, to have shifting priorities. Some days, you will need to call every Senator. Some days, you will not survive without yoga. Some days, a doctor's appointment with your four-year-old is ALL YOU CAN TAKE. Some days, keep to yourself. Some days, make the effort to get out and see people. Do what you can.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so, so much for this. I feel like I've just started grieving while everyone else is gearing up to fight and I've felt very, very guilty because I didn't march on Saturday. I'm trying to give myself a bit of grace, but it's hard. Just trying to find a way for my Hufflepuff, introvert self to fight.

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  2. The grief and guilt for not doing enough are stifling. I feel guilt for our profession for cutting our social studies instruction which we so CLEARLY need. I feel horror, betrayal and incredible anger towards those people who used to work alongside me with kids with disabilities, OR who HAVE DISABILITIES themselves who voted for DJT, OR, who are FREAKING OUT about the upcoming plastic ban bag in Natick, but are totally in support of a HUMAN-BEING ban. What I love, is that based on the diversity of my current school, I get to see good things still happening: muslim families & children who crossed the Mexico border alone becoming a vital part of the fabric of our school and community, kids helping kids, and kids in shock that the adults in charge of them voted in someone who makes racist and sexist statements. It's not okay to get used to it. It is a time for self-care so that we can continue to work together to fight for the basic human rights being taken away from human fucking beings.

    What I can give you for self-care is a great music suggestion for happy-sad times...when you need to scream sad words but also get a boost so you can keep going....2001 Saves the Day album "Stay What You Are." Start with "Cars & Calories," "Certain Tragedy," "At Your Funeral" then "Nightengale."

    <3

    PS: Do you remember freshman year of college, when you commented that even though you didn't agree with Bush, you didn't speak out against him because he was your elder. <-------- WHOA! I think about this a lot, actually, because you're such a baller.

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    Replies
    1. Oh bb, I shudder to think of some of things my 18 year old self said. I wish I could go take her out for a smoothie.

      I love you and I love growing old with you. <3

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