Be Your Own Lady Fall Quarterly Update!

The last time I posted, summer was just beginning, and I was feeling really whiny about the future, and I was 31, and I was a first grade teacher. Pretty much the only thing that remains unchanged is that I'm still taking myself mega-seriously, and I've still got it in me to whine.  One morning this summer, I was out to breakfast and whining to a dear friend about how I couldn't "make it all work." I knew I needed to cut some things out to grow in other places, but I didn't want to give up on Be Your Own Lady. She gave me an idea of using this space to share quarterly updates, still talking books and activism and writing without feeling the pressure of regular posting. I loved the idea. I think I'll probably still post a year-end recap, and I'm going to be trying to facilitate more guest posting, but I'm sticking to four major check-ins throughout the year. It will still give me the diary-esque feel I'm going for, and keep me interacting with Be Your Own Lady until I have more time to decide where all this is going.

Work: At the end of the summer, I got a job as a Library Media Specialist at the elementary school I was already working at. I was petrified for three days, then elated, and now I'm still over the moon and also kind of tired. I'm taking graduate courses through Salem State to get my school library license, and I'm learning a lot, but it's really hard. I think it's the actually-trying-to-learn-something thing. It's exhausting. It's worth it, because I'm living a dream that I thought might take much longer to reach. So I'm eyeballs deep in digital literacy standards and Makerspace ideas and the Dewey Decimal system, which, for a book lover and librarian enthusiast, I am shockingly unfamiliar with. I am finally using the nameplate Ben made for me years ago. Ashlie Swicker: Librarian.

Writing: Over the summer, before I knew my fall would be quite so consuming, I also worked on making a site for my writing work, with the eventual goal of trying to get a few more freelance jobs. I'm really happy with how it came out, and look forward to adding more of my favorite pieces to the clips page. Check out ashlieswicker.com. The biggest sacrifice I've had to make is my writing group. We've been meeting monthly since last September, sharing insight and excerpts and it's been such an amazing experience to talk about stories and have an excuse to keep my word count up. We met as part of a writing class and enjoyed each other's company so much that we kept meeting afterwards. I adore these ladies and leaving sucks, but I haven't kept up a writing habit for a few hectic months, and I know it will be awhile until things are settled enough for me to dive back in. I miss my story, but also have been picking away at the same plot for three years, and I feel weird relief to step back. Interesting.

Here are my most recent articles for Book Riot:

5 YA Romances For When Real Life is Scary Enough

The Calm Before: Nine Picture Books That Celebrate Stormy Weather

Buy, Borrow, Bypass: Body Positive Memoirs (Read THIS IS JUST MY FACE! Do it!)

Don't Miss the Bus: 10 Picture Books for Back To School

Channeling Ms. Frizzle: I Got My Dream Job and I'm 

Dressing the Part

I'm struggling with not writing for them as often as I  should, not keeping up with new releases the way I'd like to, and not pursuing new freelance work the way I thought I'd be this fall. My library job is bigger and more important growth, so when am I being pouty about it taking up so much of my time?

Reading: I'm going to keep myself together and try not to cry right now- I'm having a TERRIBLE fall where reading is concerned. I have so many things I'm interested in reading, but I'm not working hard enough to set aside the time. I could blame it on the fact that I am truly busy, but I find the time to mindlessly scroll Twitter and Insta for countless hours, so there's no excuse. I'm not working out as much as I should to feel good, and my best reading happens when I'm on the elliptical, so there we are. STILL I have read a few things that I loved the crap out of, so here:

      

I'm also loving A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir on audio, when I get my act together and remember headphones to listen while I grocery shop, and I'm reading two library-adjacent titles for work (Resolve and Rescue and a book about Makerspaces).  I have some great books on deck, including the third in Libba Bray's Diviners series and some middle grade egalleys that I was praying I'd get approved for, then instantly forgot to download (EYEROLL AT MYSELF). Tell me what you're loving. Get me jealous enough to break this slump!

Blogging: I haven't been doing much but I've been reading some great things that soothe and inspire! Click through and be well (hopefully I'll get back to more focused Coffee and Blogs posts soon!)

What's Your Reading Personality? Quiz (I'm a Social Reader)

I Dressed Like My Skinny Best Friend for a Week 

Hymn: A Poem by Sherman Alexie  ("Alone, we are defenseless. Collected, we are sacred.")

4 Ways White Parents Can Support Black Parents in Times of Social Injustice 

What Are the Hallmarks of Your Best Self?

We Need to Talk About Digital Blackface in Reaction GIFs (Guilty.)

5 Ways to be a Good Friend  (Another thing I am constantly working on.)

Reading Pathways: Paula Danziger  (Best author of all authors.)

25 Famous Women on How To Be Productive 

I also check my horoscope every week/day at Astrostyle and monthly with Susan Miller. Chani Nicholas is another great resource.

Life: My lucky little life is trucking along. Now that we're all back to school I'm MUCH happier than I was in the unscheduled, unstructured summer. Milo is in kindergarten at the school I work in, and I'm liking being so near to him- I wasn't sure how that would go. Elliott is doing so well at PreK, reaching his goals and making friends and seeming more mature everyday. My mom and stepdad were living up here for the month of September, and my sister Laurel is getting married at the end of October, so we've been spending our weekends on family time and birthday celebrations. Ben shot a new movie in September and his last film is being shown in festivals all over. 

I always wish there was more time- to read, to sit around, to see friends, to travel- but I recognize this is a period of wild career growth and I need to buckle down. Each of the boys has a skill they're really working hard on and both are right on the cusp of new milestones. Ben's brainstorming some next steps that are really exciting. We're all strapping in to make it through the holidays without too much stress, and I'm so excited for what 2018 will bring.

That's all I have at the moment, but I would love to hear from you. Where are you in work, reading, writing, life? Do you have a horoscope site to suggest, because I'm currently obsessed! What is making you happy? DO SHARE, these kinds of updates are my favorite things to hear. So much love to each of you. 

(image credits: 1, 2, 3)

Five Books That Call Bullshit on Diet Culture

I'm finishing up our February book club picks and putting the final touches on the books for March, but in the meantime, I wanted to share one of my favorite pieces of writing about feminism and diet culture. I have shared the link to it's home over at Book Riot a few times, but I wanted to have it here for posterity. 

This piece was originally posted on Book Riot on September 19th, 2016.

In 2016, I learned that I was fat. I’ve been fat my whole life, off and on, and even when I was smaller (obediently shrinking, absorbing compliments left and right, hearing comments about how gross I used to be) the word “fat” was rarely used. Not even the meanest people will actually call you fat. They might ask you if you like donuts, imply that your furniture is on the verge of breaking, or congratulate you for ordering a salad, but people rarely say “fat.” I think that’s why claiming the word, typing it and having it come flying out of my mouth, feels so damn good. This word is a descriptor, one that applies to my fabulous self, and if you were going to try and search for condescending terms to discuss this situation with me (overweight, larger, curvy, hefty) I’ve trumped you. I’m fat. I like it.

I was not always so proud. I have been searching for, about to start, or struggling with a diet for my entire life. I have tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, 21 Day Fix, low carb, no carb, simply eating significantly less food, eating all organic, eating only berry cereal, not eating after 9pm (then 7pm), drinking lemon water, drinking salt water, taking laxatives, taking vitamins, counting calories on seven different apps. I have stood in front of diet-approved workout DVDS, listening to an angular woman chirping to me that I am finally going to look good in my bathing suit this year! The fat woman modifying the exercises to her right looks as weary as I feel. “Don’t tell me what looks good,” I whisper under my breath. “I’m trying to stay alive.”

Because that is the new vicious lie that has developed since I started dieting as a girl. No longer is fat simply unsightly, a barrier that keeps you from a happy life trailing scarves behind you on the beach. Now it is insidious. It is trying to KILL YOU. You are, at all overweight times, MOMENTS FROM DEATH! You’re going to DIE! It will choke you, stop your heart, poison your blood, slow your breath until you fall over. Cause of death? Fat. Lazy, stupid, idiotic fat accumulating on your lazy, stupid, idiotic body. You’re not smart enough, strong enough, dedicated enough to follow the SIMPLE STEPS to keep the fat off your body. You’re going to die, and you deserve it. Bullshit.

Diet culture is the perpetuation of this lie. Diet culture is gushing “Oh, I’m going to be bad!” before biting into piece of cake or a donut or a Hershey’s kiss. Diet culture is feeling virtuous when you order a salad. Diet culture is your Facebook feed full of people selling you shakes and workouts and wraps to help you drop the pounds. Diet culture is the pervasive chatter about the morality, quality, and quantity of any food eaten in any order during the lunch hour in any building that employs women. Diet culture is the cashier at Dunkin Donuts proclaiming “good girl!” when I order a bagel with no cream cheese (for my husband). Diet culture is a male supervisor complimenting a mostly female staff on the lovely potluck breakfast they brought to celebrate their hard work, then commenting that the weather should be nice enough over the weekend to get out there and burn off all those calories. Diet culture is so pervasive that you might be shrugging right now, thinking none of these examples are really that bad. Diet culture is something I have had to identify, face, and choose to ignore in order to live my best life. Diet culture is something I actively navigate everyday that I live on this Earth as a proud, happy, fat woman.

How did I get here, calling myself a fat woman, proudly brandishing a word that used to represent my worst nightmare? Why I am finally okay with the one aspect of myself I have actively tried to “fix” for my entire life? Oh, you know, books. Badass, life changing, body positive books. The internet is a terrible and beautiful place, but I will be forever grateful because it was my window to the body positive movement. I found bloggers writing powerful manifestos and gentle truths. I don’t have to be skinny to be happy? I don’t have to be ashamed of myself? It took me almost a year of immersion before I was ready to call myself fat, and thanks to these amazing books, I’m never going back.

Hot and Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love, and Fashion edited by Virgie Tovar

There are thirty-one essays, one for every day of the month. If you’re just beginning to dip your toe into body positive literature, these bite-sized pieces are great on length, but pull no punches in the power department. You’ll want to read each one, written by a different voice and highlighting a different experience, with enough time to process the fists-raised message. Hot and Heavy features stories about porn, cancer, car crashes, pecan pie, masturbation, speed dating, fashion, burlesque, a place called the Cook Islands (which we all need to visit immediately) and much more.  The works are broken up into three sections, titled Life, Love, and Fashion, but I found a theme of childhood memories (almost impossible to avoid when talking about being a fat person in our society) and sexual positivity (never easy to find in our sex-shaming society) prevalent through most of the essays. This book is a font of empowerment and an introduction to so many strong voices that advocate for pleasure and confidence. It is diet culture’s antithesis, and you need it in your hands.

Things No One Tells Fat Girls by Jes Baker

This was my very first introduction to fat girl literature. I had followed Baker’s online presence for a few years (her blog, The Militant Baker, is a don’t-miss) and was so excited to read her book. I love to take pictures of what I’m reading for Instagram and Listy, but I hesitated with this cover- I was still getting used to flaunting the F word. I posted a picture of it…then started reading it in public. After a few empowering chapters, I was reading this on the elliptical at the gym, head held high. Baker covers a ton of important topics, but her statistic-filled chapter breaking down the mechanics of the diet industry was the most important thing I took away.  It should be obvious that an industry that can only exist if we are unhappy with how we look will have a vested interest in keeping us unhappy with how we look, but Baker explains the patronizing way that diets and the companies that profit from their use perpetuate self-loathing and then reach out, calling themselves the solution to our low self-worth. Baker specifically calls out diet culture for the bullshit it is.

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You Don’t Have To Like Me by Alida Nugent

This series of essays is about Nugent’s embracing of feminism, and guess what? You can’t discuss feminism without touching on the screwed up social messages that women receive about their bodies. I strongly related to the essay about claiming a “one of the guys” persona and perpetuating sexism in order to feel accepted- that’s definitely a place I’ve been in the past, and reading about someone else in that position was heady relief. But her chapter about her struggle with bulimia and the myriad of issues that caused her body so much damage was also a powerful punch. Few women have avoided a struggle with some form of disordered eating, and hearing other women speak about this is kind of like becoming an adult and realizing that every woman you know has faced sexual harassment. Nugent calls bullshit on perfection, on traditional standards of beauty, and on beating yourself up. It’s fierce and empowering.

Shrill: Notes From A Loud Woman by Lindy West 

I started loving Lindy West because of her writing on Jezebel (her piece about Love Actually actually made me pee myself) and her amazing work on This American Life. I knew Shrill was about feminism and body positivity, and I knew that West was funny, but I didn’t realize the combination would make me throw up praise hands so many times while reading. Shrill expertly covers topics such as dating while fat, being a woman in comedy, defending yourself against shamers- things you might expect. I found it more interesting when the chapters delved into less-heralded topics: disagreeing with/standing up to someone you like- her boss, Dan Savage- and her own need for acceptance of other fat bodies. West talks about her original shock at seeing larger bodies naked and celebrated, and how she had to immerse herself in images of fat bodies to normalize them for herself. As a person who has received the sometimes screamed message to COVER UP AND CROP FROM THE NECK UP, this resonated with me. West fights diet culture by refusing to accept that her body has to look different before she develops a rewarding career and finds love. West fights diet culture by fighting back against trolls and never allowing herself to shrink in the face of bullying. She also laments about counting almonds in a way that me laughcry.

Dietland by Sarai Walker

Dietland is the only work on fiction on this particular list (although I’ve celebrated fictional fat heroines in the past) because Dietland specifically spears diet culture directly in the jugular, with heavy swipes at rape culture and the porn industry in the process. Plum Kettle is not the slightly-plump almost-plus-sized heroine that often represents the struggle. She’s 300+ pounds, and she has been obediently trying to get smaller her entire life. The first few chapters illustrating the minutiae of her following the strictures of her diet were so difficult to read as a former crash dieter. Her discomfort on the street. Her future thin persona that is so real to her that she names it and buys it a wardrobe. Her complete confidence that nothing will derail her from her number one goal- to shrink. She will get thin or die trying. Transformations occur and they are DAMN empowering. This is a book for anyone who is sick of the trappings of being a woman in our patriarchal society. This book is about calling bullshit, and stomping on that bullshit with army boots laced over bright tights. Read it.

Am I missing anything? I’m hungry for more fat heroines, more books that skewer the diet-culture myth that people need to be slim before they can be happy. I need more books that call bullshit on this bullshit diet culture.