at the moment, I'm // no. 1

At the moment, I'm...

...glad I've instituted an extra-early wake up time.  I wake up between 5 and 5:15, either by alarm or a small wave of children shifting into my bed.  I make a pot of coffee and have breakfast.  This morning I've read some blogs, bought Ben a Christmas present, and dreamed on Pinterest a little.  I feel human. 

...thinking about Jesus, religion, children, and parenting.  A lot.  I thought I had made my mind up about the role religion would play in my family (minimal and kid-directed) but as Milo gets older I find myself surprised that I want him to know about baby Jesus, and how praying can make you feel safer when you're scared.  There's so much to think about, though, because religion can be confusing and stifling if you get into big questions of RIGHT and WRONG and which gods listen and which gods are false and you override your natural judgement of morals with a fire and brimstone view.  I'm starting slow by playing with a fisher price nativity scene and taking the family to church on Christmas eve.  There's more to be said here.

...pleased with our Christmas DVD collection, which we've been building slowly for 5 or so years.  In December we watch a Christmas movie every night, and Saturday nights are double features with a big pillow fort, a kid movie, and then an adult one.  Last night I stayed awake for an entire viewing of Scrooged, which Ben introduced me to and has become a favorite.  It felt like a date night.

...settling into the feeling on an "imperfect" Christmas.  The top half of the lights on our Christmas tree went out.  The wire is connected to all the other working lights and woven under tons of ornaments that I'm simply not taking down.  Three ornaments have already been broken.  The kids are terrified of my singing Herbie the Elf- he had to be put away.  I don't think we can afford to print Christmas cards this year, and Ben and I had to majorly scale back our gift exchanges to be able to pay for everything else.  I thought these things would bother me more, but I either don't have time or I'm actually growing out of some of my selfishness.  My favorite things this year have been dancing with the boys to Pandora Christmas songs, teaching Milo to say "Santa" and "Christmas Tree," and our plans for a drive to look at lights in our PJs.

...studiously ignoring the fact that my tiny squish butt baby Elliott is going to be one in only a month.  When Milo was a month out from one, I had his entire huge party planned and was designing invitations.  I know Elliott's party is going to be more low key- poor second baby.

...craving a tattoo on my wrist so badly.  I found my grandfather's business card that has the logo for tree farm he owned with my dad.  My favorite part is the awesome font for "quality trees" across the bottom.  I definitely want this for my next tattoo, and I'm the last daughter who does NOT have a memorial tree tattoo. There's no money for it right now, but I'll save up.

...dreaming about another blog overhaul.  Sorry, it's true. Sometimes I want to write about being a mom in Massachusetts, but other times I so don't.  I've been thinking of keeping this address, design, etc., and making some tweaks to the name and about page.  No matter what happens, I'm keeping my little corner to talk and talk and talk and talk my brains out.

(this post inspired by Kerri at Your Wishcake, who writes so beautifully about life in such a gentle way)