This week is better than last week. I think January is always hard- resolutions, bad weather, no holidays. We've had some snow days, which, as a parent, I've miraculously stopped rooting for. There are no days off when you have toddlers. Vacations, even dates require more work than just slogging through a normal routine. A bout with a really bad head cold, which is so insignificant that it has "common" in the name, and still, somehow, can bring my world to a whiny stop. I was in a funk, which I may or may not be emerging from.
I thought this week would be harder. I started a class about teaching second language learners that is required for all teachers in Massachusetts, and the only place I could get in was a town about 40 minutes away. I was annoyed about the drive and the hassle and having to do this work now, when I'm also finishing my masters this semester and seriously, how much can be asked of me, I MEAN, I HAVE TWO KIDS, OKAY? (My sister often dramatically screams out the last sentence to mock/humble me when I'm getting a little wrapped up in Ashlie Tragedy. I hate/love her.) Actually, it was like a mini getaway on a school night. I stopped for a coffee and drove in relative silence and spaced out during my class and there were even snacks. It's bad when snack break in a cramped middle school classroom feels like a cocktail party. But it's also super good.
Like every single one of you, my brain is so full it's basically seized up. We've met with a realtor who is helping us get moving on our MOVE goal, housewise. Pulling credit scores and going to open houses to "practice." Ben is so gung ho, and I am not. I didn't expect to feel so much resistance in my heart. I know it's time to leave. My brain just TURNS OFF when anyone starts talking about it. We have to fix the porch ceiling and paint the kitchen and I can see a mental movie of these things happening but it's like someone else's life. I need to get my shit together so Ben doesn't have to do all of this by himself. It's too much for one person.
And all week, I've been a little shocked and so incredibly warmed by so many people supporting me and voting for this blog on Top Baby Blogs. I submitted Simple Mama to the list to maybe get some exposure and start putting myself "out there." I had no idea how many dear friends and strangers were cheering for me and reading my words and taking time everyday to do something as silly as vote to move me up the list. I'm #14 on the first page because of you guys. Writing here is one of my favorite things to do; thanks for making it real by reading it.