2015 in Facebook Statuses

This fuzzy, muddled week between Christmas and New Years is REFLECTION TIME and I think it's pretty important to look back and figure out what you did with yourself during the last 365 days. You're awesome, I'm sure you worked hard. 

I use my personal Facebook A LOT and I decided to go back month by month and see what I had been up to. I also checked the archives here, and did a cursory scan of my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I don't hold back much, so this gave me a pretty good idea of what my year was like. 

JANUARY:

We drove home from Florida (where we spent post-Christmas and New Years) and listened to Serial. I talked a lot about books and posted videos of the kids. I shoveled a lot of snow. Elliott turned 2. Penguin died in Ben's arms and it was strange saying goodbye to him. My favorite book I read in January was EVIL LIBRARIAN by Michelle Knudsen. My favorite quote was from our road trip.

January 2 · Fredericksburg, VA · 
The 10-yr-old in this Subway, wearing stretchy pants and thick glasses, laying sideways across two chairs, reading a paperback and chewing on a straw? She's my spirit animal. I love her.

FEBRUARY:

I read two trilogies and there were a ton more snow days. Papa died and my flight got canceled to go be with the family, so I posted a lot of pictures of him, and everyone reached out with lots of love. Parks and Rec ended and I devoured YES PLEASE  by Amy Poehler. The kids and I danced A LOT to Shake It Off. My favorite quote was from Milo.

February 21 · 
Milo: Maybe when I'm older I can love a guy or a girl or a zebra or a cat.

Anything, baby.

MARCH:

Lots more books. Ben's horror trailer was shown at the Boston Underground Film Festival and I was so damn proud. I took Elliott to meet his bae, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. We had Papa's memorial service in Vermont and there was lots of lovely singing and remembering. I was deep into watching Friends on Netflix and reposting from Humans of New York (kind of a theme for 2015 in general.) My favorite book I read was WHEN YOU REACH ME by Rebecca Stead. My favorite quote was from Laurel, actually spoken in 2013 but still my favorite quote of possibly all time.

March 16
Two years ago

Debating whether to send flowers as a bday gift. Laurel: "well, they're going to die. But so are we."

APRIL:

In April I did Camp NaNoWriMo, adding another 30K to my word count for my novel, and really started trying to figure out how to end this thing. It was getting warmer and the pictures of my kids showed snow melting and mud pies being made. I went to The Lady Project Summit in Providence, but it took me a few weeks to realize how honestly disappointed I was in the whole thing. During April vacation, my mother-in-law took both boys so I could spend an adult day by myself in Portsmouth, and that was incredibly special. I wasn't over the moon about anything I read that month, but if I had to guess I'd say my favorite was ATTACHMENTS by Rainbow Rowell. My favorite quote was about some of my favorite things: my kids and Target.

April 28 · 
Afternoons with these kids are the best. Elliott is super chill and content to cruise and listen to music, whereas Milo needs to know the plan and always suspects I'm secretly taking them to Target.

MAY:

Lots of writing and reading and hanging out at playgrounds with my sweet little ones. We celebrated Mother's Day at the Gardner Ale House. We ate a lot of popsicles. My kick ass nephew turned one. I loved reading STATION ELEVEN by Emily St. John Mandel and READY PLAYER ONE by Ernest Cline. My favorite quote is tied.

This realization about my writing:

May 6 · 
Trying to write a badass girl character and constantly going back to her dialogue to remove "I think that maybe," "If you don't mind," and "I'm sorry, but." This shit is INGRAINED, yo.

And this accurate representation of many of my discussions with my husband:

May 23 · 
Me: What things do you think are real and what things do you think are made up?

Ben: *looks at me tiredly*

JUNE:

SUMMER, SUCKAS! A teacher's life is truly the best. MILO GOT A LIBRARY CARD! Ben and I celebrated eight years of being married. I printed my novel on paper. I folded and bought a season pass to our local farm/adventure park, then spent the entire summer pretending Elliott was under two, even though he was edging closer and closer to three. We celebrated Ben being a rad dad. Elliott sang a lot of songs on video and became a mini-internet star. I read a lot from the FEARLESS series by Francine Pascal and reread GIRL OF NIGHTMARES by Kendare Blake, a favorite YA horror series. My favorite quote kind of sums up how I am treated like a princess.

June 7 · 
I've been reading in the tub for an hour. Ben just delivered me a slice of cold pizza. ‪#‎beyourbestself‬ ‪#‎holdoutforafairytale‬

JULY:

Our yearly 3rd of July trip to Gloucester for the parade and fireworks was a success. I went on a REALLY fun vacation to Florida with a lot of my female family members to celebrate my sister's wedding- we fit a bachelorette and a bridal shower into one weekend and I had a TOTAL blast. I read lots and lots and started submitting book and TV reviews to What the Fangirl. I had some really great dates with lovely friends. We had a cookout and I got the first part of the tattoo on my forearm. I drank a lot and wrote a lot and lived the damn life. My favorite book was THE AWESOME by Eva Darrows. My favorite quote was real.

July 28 · 
Fantasy: "OH my god, the kids are gone for 24 hours, I'm going to go to the gym, hang pictures, shower and dress proper, date my husband, and generally SEIZE THE DAY!

Reality: "OH my god, the kids are gone for 24 hours, I don't have to wear pants and will not be interrupted during this marathon obscure fanfic search."

AUGUST:

Going back over these months makes me ache for summer, traditionally my least favorite season of the year. We went to Sesame Place as a family and spent a really fun day with my aunt and uncle at their house in Delaware- Milo still talks about jumping off the diving board with Captain Jack. We went to Cherry Hill for ice cream often. On the internet I was obsessed with the Buzzfeed videos "If Guy _________ Were like Girl _________" and The Toast's series "If ___________ was your girl/boyfriend."  School started. My favorite books were both graphic novels: DRAMA by Rania Telegimi and NIMONA by Noelle Stevenston. My favorite quote makes my heart squeeze up a little.  

August 28 · 
I need to be corny for a minute. At the end of a busy first week back, I'm feeling so heart-swellingly grateful, and I can't stay quiet. I love being where I am right now: living in my sweet friendly neighborhood, working with people I love and admire, watching my kids rough and tumble little members of their gang. I like running into neighbors at the grocery store and seeing students at the street festival. I've moved around a bit and it's taken a few decades to find my groove, but I am really lucky to feel so at home in a place I wasn't born. A lot of you are a part of that, so thanks.

SEPTEMBER:

In September I got to know and love my current class, my little sister got married (which meant family vacation to Florida and Milo's first big trip without us to stay with his Mimi), and Ben and I went to a dear friend's wedding in Vermont where I rode a ski lift with increasing excitement throughout the evening. I had a whirlwind birthday weekend with Ben when we stayed in a nice hotel and went to see Book of Mormon in Boston. I read my first issue of Ms. Marvel and got really into Doctor Who. My favorite quote demonstrates the fine white girl tradition of getting amped for FALL.

September 9  
Hi. I'm Ashlie. I'm a 30-year-old white female, and I will buy literally anything if you decorate the package with rustic flowers and put the word 'fall' on it.‪#‎fall‬ ‪#‎pumpkinspice‬ ‪#‎yogapants‬ ‪#‎brunch‬ ‪#‎applepicking‬ ‪#‎scarfweather‬‪#‎notevenkidding‬ ‪#‎icanteven‬ ‪#‎icantstop‬ ‪#‎help‬

OCTOBER:

This month was huge huge huge. Milo turned 4 and we picked a lot of apples. I turned 30 and my mother, husband, and sister threw me a HUGE surprise party. Laurel orchestrated a whole weekend where I felt so special and spoiled, and the twins flew in from Florida to surprise me. After a whole day of being pampered in the city with my sisters, I got home to find all my nearest and dearest under a glowing tent in the backyard, and MY MOM AND RAY HAD FLOWN IN, TOO. One of my best friends had driven from New York with her sweet baby. I saw so many faces of people that I loved and drank a ton of great beer. I am still reeling from the amazement. I also visited the Boston Book Festival for the first time and heard amazing speakers and left so excited to be a reader in this awesome world. I heard Hamilton for the first time. Halloween was lovely and Ben took a picture of all of us as Star Wars characters. The month was exciting and exhausting. My favorite book was CARRY ON by Rainbow Rowell. My favorite quote speaks to a yearly issue.

October 3 · 
Pumped full of steroids to fight poison ivy. Let my first dose really set in and now I'm headed to Market Basket to hulk out on the first asshole to cut me off in the deli.

NOVEMBER:

In November I wrote a ton and had an awesome Thanksgiving.  I squeaked through NaNoWriMo by the skin of my teeth and still didn't realize my goal of completely finishing my novel. Thanksgiving was lovely and meeting up with my sister for Black Friday was awesome. I listened to Hamilton. My favorite book was THE DIVINERS by Libba Bray. My favorite quote was about how crazy the world is getting at the end of 2015.

November 18 · 
Facebook: daily revealing prejudices about people you were happy just smiling at in real life.

DECEMBER:

This month was kind of a fever pitch of holiday activities and wrapping up the year. Ben turned 36 and we finally saw The Force Awakens.  We met Santa and bought presents and spent time with friends. We ate cookies and listened to Hamilton. A lot. We spent Christmas with family in Delaware and spent a busy/amazing day in Philadelphia. Humans of New York featured a bunch of Syrian refugees getting ready to come to America and it broke my heart every day.  My favorite book was LAIR OF DREAMS by Libba Bray. My favorite quote was from a day of shopping with Milo.

December 19 at 5:02pm · 
Shout outs to: the lady picking up her check at Dunks sipping on a Gourmet Donuts coffee, the people at Old Navy who found my lost iPhone, and the shoppers who patiently stepped over my four year old when he finally gave up and laid flat on the floor of the mall on the Saturday before Christmas. You all made my day.

Guys, this year was just one long party. I bought what I wanted and I read what I wanted and a traveled a ton. I met friends for dinners and book dates and I got my kids hooked on the music I loved which made all car rides pretty awesome. Even though no major milestones were worked for me personally, the year felt super full and I love that I spent so much time really settling into my tastes and preferences. That's not something I granted to myself any earlier in life.

2016 will be a little different. I have some work to do, some plans to make, and some shit to finish. I'm going to hang onto this year as a memory of fun and living true to my desires, and appreciate the awesome kick off to the next decade.

My favorite posts of the year: On diets and health food and feminism and power, Take the Compliment. Seriously., Shower Drinking, Diary of Going 96 Hours Without My Cellphone, In My Next 30 Years

A few gifts to get pumped about

It seems like doing gift guides is less popular among the blogs I follow this year, and that makes me sad. I love seeing what is out in the world, and not just the fifty dollar craft marshmallows Real Simple suggests to me as stocking stuffers. If gift-giving is something you do this time of year, here are a few ideas for yourself and the other special people in your life.

I'm enamored of this print showing Rosie the Riveters from many different walks of life. If this could be the logo of Be Your Own Lady, my life would complete. Roaring Softly (an Etsy shop) has a ton of great pop culture prints, including some featuring Leslie Knope and Liz Lemon. Give one of these prints to your sister, aunt, or best work friend over margs and guac and finish 2015 right.

It's not a secret that I think Humans of New York is one of the most important things on the internet. I regularly share stories that touch me, and the photographer's work with Syrian refugees has taught me so much. It is a beautiful thing. Brandon has two books out- his first, which is full of pictures of the interesting people he meets, and one that came out this year, called Humans of New York Stories. This second edition includes the little quotations that the people he photographs share, all of which, even the simple ones, are special and intimate and inspirational. This gift is not just for people who love New York, good photography, or a sneak peek into strangers' personal lives, although it's a good place to start.

Modern Girl Blitz is one of my absolute favorite places for stickers and jewelry right now. Her subject matter includes feminism, typewriters, ghosts, and witches. I also really enjoy following the owner on Instagram- she posts about sales and about her process. The Feminism Is Cool and this tape cannot measure greatness stickers are must haves for the patriarchy-smashing girl in your life.

A few months (even one delivery!) of a subscription service is a wicked special treat. I'm fond of the Book Riot boxes- I asked for a subscription to their YA service for Christmas. I have no direct experience with these, but who doesn't like getting mail? You can find subscription services for everything from coffee to makeup to baby products, and then you're set for that person who has it all!

Funko Pop is a genius company. They've made these catchy little dolls, a good number of which cannot stand up on their own, that do NOTHING, and I am desperate to buy a good half of the ones they produce. If you name a fandom, Funko Pop has it covered, including popular cult shows and 80s movies, Nerd heaven. I am currently collecting all the badass girls I love, and have Hermione and Willow so far. Buy a few together or pick up a copy of your recipient's favorite book or movie and include a key Funko to make the gift...I'm gonna do it...pop.

There is nothing that will make you feel more terrific than donating to charity- give that feeling as a gift  to someone else. One of my favorite presents my mother ever gave me was the year she donated a year of education to a girl in rural Afghanistan in my name. For an extra touch, pick a charity that is particularly important to the recipient: give to Planned Parenthood in honor of the women in your life, support NPR for your informed father, make a donation to a local school in the name of your cousin who teaches, give to veterans for your aunt who served. I suggest using Charity Navigator to find an organization- they are a database of thousands of charities, but more importantly, they rate them and give information on how much of the money actually goes towards the cause. Spend some time on the site and find a special charity, then make a donation within your budget that will do the double whammy of helping someone else AND letting you give a meaningful gift to someone you love.

What are you looking forward to giving this year? Is there anything you're REALLY hoping to get? I made a Christmas wishlist on Pinterest, but I'm totally buying the Steve Zissou earrings for myself.

When All Is Not Calm, When All Is Not Bright

The house is messy.  Piles everywhere, items that have no permanent home: wrapping paper, Christmas cards that should already be sent out, suitcases that, in my idealistic plan of a few weeks ago, should already be filling up with swimsuits and warm weather clothes that I'm digging out of the basement in free moments.

Free moments.

I have huge stacks of books that I wanted to wrap for my students, because just arranging books as gifts for them was not enough.  I have rotting bananas that I promised myself would become banana bread for coworkers and neighbors.  I am trying to honor Ben's birthday, a family Christmas, a Florida Christmas, and stay on top of all the normal stuff like work, exercise, an ever-shrinking social life, writing, reading, and constantly being better.  I'm trying to get it right, and getting annoyed with myself when I fail.

There is nothing new about this list of seasonal "failures." I cannot blame it on having children or working full time or any life circumstance- I would follow this pattern no matter what was happening in my day-to-day. Every single person has felt this way, and 90% of it is brought on by myself.  I set up my own expectations.  I put off my own success.  I tell myself, angrily, hissing under my breath, "Next year, you'll start in July.  You won't be so lazy and unrealistic.  You'll be done before November, your cards addressed for December 1st, and you'll never be scrambling the weekend before Christmas again." 

Instead of letting myself get caught up in all this stress, I'm trying to remember that it doesn't matter.  It really doesn't.  It will all be over in a blink, anyway.  Wrap, unwrap, Christmas movie, hot chocolate, drive, fly, visit, love, and then we'll be on the other side of it, slightly out of breath, moving into a season of abstinence and optimism, telling each other in work hallways and banks and the check out line, "It went so fast this year!"

Every year.

I won't condescend.  It's impossible to escape the busy of this season, and it's lovely when it clicks and you're watching The Muppet Christmas Carol for the 13th time and tree lights are on and you're digging into one of the gingerbread cookies you decorated while your kids drank frosting like energy gel during a marathon.  There's also the sweet sadness of crying with your husband after wrapping gifts in two different colors of wrapping paper (Santa and Other), picking tape off the soles of your feet while Harry Bailey toasts "To my big brother George, the richest man in town."  I hope you can find something about this riot that you can love, and try not to let the rest of the noise ruin the good parts.  This was the reminder I needed to write to myself today.

After the storm,  when we're lugging bags of cardboard and ribbons to the curb and eating one last cookie, I swear, I encourage you to take a second to think about 2014 as a whole.  Go back through your Facebook statuses, your journals, the picture files on your phone, the box where you keep your ticket stubs and postcards.  Think about what worked.  What were you proud of?  What do you want to do again in 2015?  What do you want to change?  Christmas is like a huge send off for a 12-month year, but sometimes it takes up so much mind space that we stumble into the next one swearing to lose weight and save money as a knee jerk reaction to treats and presents.  There is more to you than what you did in December.

Let's sum it up: Christmas is busy and crazy for most people.  You're not alone.  Enjoy what you can and don't beat yourself up.  Watch The Muppet Christmas Carol.  When it's all over, take some time to look at your entire year.  Make sure to celebrate at least one thing you're proud of.  Talk yourself up, brag about the wonderful being that you are.  If you feel the need to plan for 2015, do it by taking into account all that you've done in the previous year.  Do not sell yourself short. Do not sell yourself short.

This ends my ranty December PSA for the weary and stress-inclined.  I hope that you have some love to be thankful for and some love to give away.  I hope you're ready to enter 2015 bad ass and beautiful.  I hope we all keep finding the courage to be our own lady. Happy everything.

Some more in this vein: A reflection sheet from Tsh Oxenrider (I used it last year) and a post I wrote last December about self care in this crazy season.  Be well, lovelies! XOXO