2015 in Facebook Statuses

This fuzzy, muddled week between Christmas and New Years is REFLECTION TIME and I think it's pretty important to look back and figure out what you did with yourself during the last 365 days. You're awesome, I'm sure you worked hard. 

I use my personal Facebook A LOT and I decided to go back month by month and see what I had been up to. I also checked the archives here, and did a cursory scan of my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I don't hold back much, so this gave me a pretty good idea of what my year was like. 

JANUARY:

We drove home from Florida (where we spent post-Christmas and New Years) and listened to Serial. I talked a lot about books and posted videos of the kids. I shoveled a lot of snow. Elliott turned 2. Penguin died in Ben's arms and it was strange saying goodbye to him. My favorite book I read in January was EVIL LIBRARIAN by Michelle Knudsen. My favorite quote was from our road trip.

January 2 · Fredericksburg, VA · 
The 10-yr-old in this Subway, wearing stretchy pants and thick glasses, laying sideways across two chairs, reading a paperback and chewing on a straw? She's my spirit animal. I love her.

FEBRUARY:

I read two trilogies and there were a ton more snow days. Papa died and my flight got canceled to go be with the family, so I posted a lot of pictures of him, and everyone reached out with lots of love. Parks and Rec ended and I devoured YES PLEASE  by Amy Poehler. The kids and I danced A LOT to Shake It Off. My favorite quote was from Milo.

February 21 · 
Milo: Maybe when I'm older I can love a guy or a girl or a zebra or a cat.

Anything, baby.

MARCH:

Lots more books. Ben's horror trailer was shown at the Boston Underground Film Festival and I was so damn proud. I took Elliott to meet his bae, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. We had Papa's memorial service in Vermont and there was lots of lovely singing and remembering. I was deep into watching Friends on Netflix and reposting from Humans of New York (kind of a theme for 2015 in general.) My favorite book I read was WHEN YOU REACH ME by Rebecca Stead. My favorite quote was from Laurel, actually spoken in 2013 but still my favorite quote of possibly all time.

March 16
Two years ago

Debating whether to send flowers as a bday gift. Laurel: "well, they're going to die. But so are we."

APRIL:

In April I did Camp NaNoWriMo, adding another 30K to my word count for my novel, and really started trying to figure out how to end this thing. It was getting warmer and the pictures of my kids showed snow melting and mud pies being made. I went to The Lady Project Summit in Providence, but it took me a few weeks to realize how honestly disappointed I was in the whole thing. During April vacation, my mother-in-law took both boys so I could spend an adult day by myself in Portsmouth, and that was incredibly special. I wasn't over the moon about anything I read that month, but if I had to guess I'd say my favorite was ATTACHMENTS by Rainbow Rowell. My favorite quote was about some of my favorite things: my kids and Target.

April 28 · 
Afternoons with these kids are the best. Elliott is super chill and content to cruise and listen to music, whereas Milo needs to know the plan and always suspects I'm secretly taking them to Target.

MAY:

Lots of writing and reading and hanging out at playgrounds with my sweet little ones. We celebrated Mother's Day at the Gardner Ale House. We ate a lot of popsicles. My kick ass nephew turned one. I loved reading STATION ELEVEN by Emily St. John Mandel and READY PLAYER ONE by Ernest Cline. My favorite quote is tied.

This realization about my writing:

May 6 · 
Trying to write a badass girl character and constantly going back to her dialogue to remove "I think that maybe," "If you don't mind," and "I'm sorry, but." This shit is INGRAINED, yo.

And this accurate representation of many of my discussions with my husband:

May 23 · 
Me: What things do you think are real and what things do you think are made up?

Ben: *looks at me tiredly*

JUNE:

SUMMER, SUCKAS! A teacher's life is truly the best. MILO GOT A LIBRARY CARD! Ben and I celebrated eight years of being married. I printed my novel on paper. I folded and bought a season pass to our local farm/adventure park, then spent the entire summer pretending Elliott was under two, even though he was edging closer and closer to three. We celebrated Ben being a rad dad. Elliott sang a lot of songs on video and became a mini-internet star. I read a lot from the FEARLESS series by Francine Pascal and reread GIRL OF NIGHTMARES by Kendare Blake, a favorite YA horror series. My favorite quote kind of sums up how I am treated like a princess.

June 7 · 
I've been reading in the tub for an hour. Ben just delivered me a slice of cold pizza. ‪#‎beyourbestself‬ ‪#‎holdoutforafairytale‬

JULY:

Our yearly 3rd of July trip to Gloucester for the parade and fireworks was a success. I went on a REALLY fun vacation to Florida with a lot of my female family members to celebrate my sister's wedding- we fit a bachelorette and a bridal shower into one weekend and I had a TOTAL blast. I read lots and lots and started submitting book and TV reviews to What the Fangirl. I had some really great dates with lovely friends. We had a cookout and I got the first part of the tattoo on my forearm. I drank a lot and wrote a lot and lived the damn life. My favorite book was THE AWESOME by Eva Darrows. My favorite quote was real.

July 28 · 
Fantasy: "OH my god, the kids are gone for 24 hours, I'm going to go to the gym, hang pictures, shower and dress proper, date my husband, and generally SEIZE THE DAY!

Reality: "OH my god, the kids are gone for 24 hours, I don't have to wear pants and will not be interrupted during this marathon obscure fanfic search."

AUGUST:

Going back over these months makes me ache for summer, traditionally my least favorite season of the year. We went to Sesame Place as a family and spent a really fun day with my aunt and uncle at their house in Delaware- Milo still talks about jumping off the diving board with Captain Jack. We went to Cherry Hill for ice cream often. On the internet I was obsessed with the Buzzfeed videos "If Guy _________ Were like Girl _________" and The Toast's series "If ___________ was your girl/boyfriend."  School started. My favorite books were both graphic novels: DRAMA by Rania Telegimi and NIMONA by Noelle Stevenston. My favorite quote makes my heart squeeze up a little.  

August 28 · 
I need to be corny for a minute. At the end of a busy first week back, I'm feeling so heart-swellingly grateful, and I can't stay quiet. I love being where I am right now: living in my sweet friendly neighborhood, working with people I love and admire, watching my kids rough and tumble little members of their gang. I like running into neighbors at the grocery store and seeing students at the street festival. I've moved around a bit and it's taken a few decades to find my groove, but I am really lucky to feel so at home in a place I wasn't born. A lot of you are a part of that, so thanks.

SEPTEMBER:

In September I got to know and love my current class, my little sister got married (which meant family vacation to Florida and Milo's first big trip without us to stay with his Mimi), and Ben and I went to a dear friend's wedding in Vermont where I rode a ski lift with increasing excitement throughout the evening. I had a whirlwind birthday weekend with Ben when we stayed in a nice hotel and went to see Book of Mormon in Boston. I read my first issue of Ms. Marvel and got really into Doctor Who. My favorite quote demonstrates the fine white girl tradition of getting amped for FALL.

September 9  
Hi. I'm Ashlie. I'm a 30-year-old white female, and I will buy literally anything if you decorate the package with rustic flowers and put the word 'fall' on it.‪#‎fall‬ ‪#‎pumpkinspice‬ ‪#‎yogapants‬ ‪#‎brunch‬ ‪#‎applepicking‬ ‪#‎scarfweather‬‪#‎notevenkidding‬ ‪#‎icanteven‬ ‪#‎icantstop‬ ‪#‎help‬

OCTOBER:

This month was huge huge huge. Milo turned 4 and we picked a lot of apples. I turned 30 and my mother, husband, and sister threw me a HUGE surprise party. Laurel orchestrated a whole weekend where I felt so special and spoiled, and the twins flew in from Florida to surprise me. After a whole day of being pampered in the city with my sisters, I got home to find all my nearest and dearest under a glowing tent in the backyard, and MY MOM AND RAY HAD FLOWN IN, TOO. One of my best friends had driven from New York with her sweet baby. I saw so many faces of people that I loved and drank a ton of great beer. I am still reeling from the amazement. I also visited the Boston Book Festival for the first time and heard amazing speakers and left so excited to be a reader in this awesome world. I heard Hamilton for the first time. Halloween was lovely and Ben took a picture of all of us as Star Wars characters. The month was exciting and exhausting. My favorite book was CARRY ON by Rainbow Rowell. My favorite quote speaks to a yearly issue.

October 3 · 
Pumped full of steroids to fight poison ivy. Let my first dose really set in and now I'm headed to Market Basket to hulk out on the first asshole to cut me off in the deli.

NOVEMBER:

In November I wrote a ton and had an awesome Thanksgiving.  I squeaked through NaNoWriMo by the skin of my teeth and still didn't realize my goal of completely finishing my novel. Thanksgiving was lovely and meeting up with my sister for Black Friday was awesome. I listened to Hamilton. My favorite book was THE DIVINERS by Libba Bray. My favorite quote was about how crazy the world is getting at the end of 2015.

November 18 · 
Facebook: daily revealing prejudices about people you were happy just smiling at in real life.

DECEMBER:

This month was kind of a fever pitch of holiday activities and wrapping up the year. Ben turned 36 and we finally saw The Force Awakens.  We met Santa and bought presents and spent time with friends. We ate cookies and listened to Hamilton. A lot. We spent Christmas with family in Delaware and spent a busy/amazing day in Philadelphia. Humans of New York featured a bunch of Syrian refugees getting ready to come to America and it broke my heart every day.  My favorite book was LAIR OF DREAMS by Libba Bray. My favorite quote was from a day of shopping with Milo.

December 19 at 5:02pm · 
Shout outs to: the lady picking up her check at Dunks sipping on a Gourmet Donuts coffee, the people at Old Navy who found my lost iPhone, and the shoppers who patiently stepped over my four year old when he finally gave up and laid flat on the floor of the mall on the Saturday before Christmas. You all made my day.

Guys, this year was just one long party. I bought what I wanted and I read what I wanted and a traveled a ton. I met friends for dinners and book dates and I got my kids hooked on the music I loved which made all car rides pretty awesome. Even though no major milestones were worked for me personally, the year felt super full and I love that I spent so much time really settling into my tastes and preferences. That's not something I granted to myself any earlier in life.

2016 will be a little different. I have some work to do, some plans to make, and some shit to finish. I'm going to hang onto this year as a memory of fun and living true to my desires, and appreciate the awesome kick off to the next decade.

My favorite posts of the year: On diets and health food and feminism and power, Take the Compliment. Seriously., Shower Drinking, Diary of Going 96 Hours Without My Cellphone, In My Next 30 Years

Coffee and Blogs No. 20

Twenty Coffee & Blogs posts!  This is by far one of my favorite things to put together for Be Your Own Lady, so I'm pumped that they're still going strong.  Thanks, internet, for offering up so much to sift through.  You're my bae.

The boys and I have been listening to a ton of Andy Grammer in the car.  Milo knows all the words to Fine by Me, and we're blasting Honey I'm Good.  This video is really. really cute.

Earlier this month, chalkboard drawings from 1917 were discovered in public school classrooms in Oklahoma.  They were perfectly preserved underneath the current chalkboards.  I cannot tell you the shivers this gives me.  I love the history and the glimpse of early education (only recently did artistic ability stop being a precursor for good teaching).  It also makes me REALLY want to explore the abandoned middle school up the road from me.  It is all boarded up but I have caught a glimpse through a crack, and the room I saw looked like the students stood up and left.

I eagerly await Anne's Summer Reading Guide every year. She only includes books that she has read, breaks everything into categories, and I always get at least one new favorite from her lists. I'm working on my summer syllabus (here is last year's) and I always take her ideas into account.

Loved this analysis of Jurassic World by Thea of The Book Smugglers.  I felt really let down by the critical comments from a lot of people I usually turn to for pop culture talk (Linda Holmes, NPRs pop culture correspondent particularly) about Jurassic World and the character of Claire. She was referred to as cardboard, silly, and a feminist nightmare.  Excuse me, Claire saves lives SEVERAL times and was well-written and layered.  Chris Pratt's Owen was a much flatter character, and this is coming from a serious Pratt fan. I thought the story line of the two brothers was well acted, and I think the subtlety of the younger brother likely being on the autism spectrum was handled really gracefully, and I especially loved how his strengths due to being a person with autism helped to save the day (dinosaur facts, fixing up old cars).  This is speculation, they never actually come out and explain it, but I thought it was pretty clear in the writing. Basically, not the best movie ever made, but I had a lot of fun watching it.

BECAUSE FATHERS DAY! Dads Are the Original Hipster.

I just discovered this series on The Toast this morning- HEY LADIES.  I read the Baby Shower email chain first and then scrolled back to what I think is the first ever one, Bachelorette Party Emails.  These are hilarious, and, in my limited experience, BARELY SATIRE.  Like...seriously.  Consider this a trigger warning.  Some of you may faint.  "Congrats, Jen!!!! Are you feeling morning sickness yet?? Jen swore me to secrecy since she is still in the first trimester, but baby shower brunch places tend to book up, so we really don’t have a sec to lose, so I guess the cat is out of the bag!!! The baby is due in November, right? I am super booked up, but I think I can make a baby shower work at the end of Q2."

While we're there, another hilarious article from The Toast (which is also influencing my summer syllabus- more classics!) about ways women have died in literature.  Some of my favorites: cold hands, beautiful face, spent more than a month in London after growing up in Yorkshire.

Out of Print tees is FINALLY making plus-sized shirts for plus-size literary ladies.  I'm a little bummed that this happened a week after I placed my order (my two shirts JUST fit, but I would have sized up if I could) but now I just get to shop MORE! I am jonesing for the Le Petit Prince shirt, but I'm going to hold out and see if they'll make a Wrinkle in Time one!

Our June pick for Be Your Own Book Club is The Opposite of Loneliness: Stories and Essays by Marnia Keegan.  I've read through some of the stories- one of the things I love about this book is that you can pick it up and get a complete piece in just a handful of pages.  So far, the two short stories I've read read like live journal entries edited for the New York Times.  Not necessarily a bad thing. I see a lot of honesty and a lot of vanity, which nails the early 20s kind of perfectly. Anyone reading along? Thoughts so far?

I don't really want to publish this week without recognizing the terrible terrorist act that took place in South Carolina. Here is an article about the need to speak about it. I know so very, very little about the struggle of people who are not me- I can spend all day telling you about the times I've felt judged/marginalized as a woman, but the truth is, I am at the tippy top of the totem pole in this country (with only white men over top of me) and I'm really trying to understand a lot more about the things in this country that I might not fully appreciate- like rampant, painful racism.  Even this week, as I was thinking about the randos that still admit to their white supremacist views, I felt thankful that I was living in a Northeastern state where that doesn't happen.  Then, leaving an ice cream date with my family, I saw a man in a pick up truck pull over to adjust his full sized Confederate flag, flapping in the small-town New England breeze.  THIS SHIT IS EVERYWHERE.  I'm working on an article about the questions that we can ask to be responsible allies (I have A ZILLION questions), but for now,  I want to talk about the people who were lost this week.  This article has some stories about them as people (amazing people- pastors, librarians, senators, pillars of their families).  Here are their names:

Cynthia Hurd, 54 

Susie Jackson, 87

Ethel Lance, 70

DePayne Middleton Doctor, 49

Clementa Pickney, 41

Tywanza Sanders, 26

Daniel L. Simmonds, Sr., 74

Sharonda Singleton, 45

Myra Thompson, 54

That's all for this week, lovelies. xo

Ben is a rad dad.

(The boys as Temple of Doom characters at Halloween.  Ben's smile stops my heart a little bit)

(Ben's first Father's Day with tiny Milo.  We went to the zoo.  Elliott was a squiggle in my belly.)

(When Esh was small, Ben would smooch him and scratch him with his beard and he would giggle.)

(Ben takes care of the majority of overnight stuff.  Every night.  Still.)

I think it's safe to say that Ben is in his element as a dad.  He's really, really good.  He was wonderful to our babies and to me when we were all struggling as a family of infants, but now that we have two walking, running, communicating, preference-sharing creatures with personalities and the ability to wield G. I. Joe figures, he's over the moon.

Both boys have their own ways to connect with Ben.  Milo is his movie kid, and will wake up on weekends when he knows Daddy is home begging to watch Back to the Future or Star Wars (which he calls Dun Dun based on us singing the Imperial March to him).  They act out scenes from the third Back to the Future using a toy train and a grey car.  Milo will request the theme music from E.T. when we're driving, and then narrates to us what is happening: "Dog no go on rocket!"  and "Bikes up go in the sky!"  When we have to be apart for awhile, we say, "I'll be right here," and he repeats it solemnly.  He likes Ewoks.  I have had no part in this, and usually say momish things like "These movies are too old for him!" but I know that while I have the final say on what they eat and the exact temperature that renders a sweatshirt necessary, movie culture is Ben's arena.  He only shows them certain scenes, never wanting them to be scared or worse, bored.  He is very carefully tricking them into loving these movies.  It's working.

Elliott is not as into TV unless there is singing.  He's very musical, and I can see Ben sharing CDs with him as he gets old enough to appreciate Ben's collection.  For right now, though, they click over action figures.  For some reason, they make Elliott crazy in the best possible way.  Ben (and his parents) have kept careful track of his childhood toys, and we are also collectors at flea markets and yard sales.  We have one tin of kid-safe (and they're probably not safe for the kids, these are just the figures that can be damaged without breaking any hearts) figures that were brought up from the basement, and the sight of the box makes Elliott start flapping his hands and grunting.  Ben was pouring them over Milo at five months when he was a stay-at-home dad, so I know he's been waiting for this.  Elliott likes to pick up "the guys" and clink them together, making them bash into each other, making little "pow pow pow" sounds.  Again, originally, I was horrified, "Ah, he's learning war-like behavior, omg, let's make the guys be friends!" but again, I backed off.  I can make them hug their babies and give kisses and sing Frozen with me all day, because those are my interests and likes, but this is a way they can connect with their dad, and frankly, not something I need to understand.   Ben already passes out dollar bills at the flea market letting the boys pick their own guys to flesh out our collection.  But of course, those don't get mixed with the G. I. Joes.

Ben reads books, washes clothes and dishes, brings cups of milk, kisses boo boos, goes to the park, gives piggy back rides, and patiently sits through endless requests of "Daddy, you be the bad guy and I be the good guy!" on a daily basis.  He takes impeccable care of me, which I think is a very specific way that a father can show love to his children- by taking care of  their mother.  Ben is a rad dad, raising rad boys, and I'm so glad to be in this truly rad little family.  Happy Father's Day, Ben.