Sarah Is Her Own Lady: Celebrating a Career Switch

Over the next few months, I'll be running a series about women who have embraced their own-ness by operating outside of the norm, namely by choosing not to have children, choosing to move far away from their support systems, or choosing to make a major career switch. There are many ways to be your own lady; here's to celebrating your path!

Sarah is a dear friend from high school and I remember her as one of those infectiously sweet and funny people that everyone always wanted to be around. Through the magic of Facebook, we've recently reconnected, and she was kind enough to answer some questions about how she came to switch careers.

1. Tell us a little about yourself (where do you live, what do you, what is your family like, how do you enjoy spending your time?)

• I live in South Boston in a 1100 square foot condo with my husband and my 6 month old baby. We love our rooftop deck and spend summer nights drinking on the roof. We currently have an exersaucer and playmat in the living room, a jumperoo in the kitchen, and a doorway jumper in our entryway. It's a tight squeeze but we like it.

• I met my husband in law school and he still practices in Newton. I am the Store Manager of a women's clothing store in Braintree, MA. It's a recent store switch. I used to work downtown Boston as an Assistant Manager in a bigger store. 

• My immediate family is an army of three. Mike, my husband, Lila, my 6 month old baby, and I are completely infatuated with each other. My husband and I are becoming more successful at work and are trying hard to balance our increasingly heavy workloads with our new role as parents. Some weeks we balance it better than other. We feel a tremendous amount of financial pressure, due to large part to our outrageously large law school loans.

• We spend our time at restaurants in the Seaport (Boston), watching or going to movies, getting our news through the Daily Show, and taking the baby to the park or beach nearby.

2. Tell us about your career history: what jobs have you held? What jobs were involved in what you consider to be your biggest switch?

• As a young adult, I always had jobs that involved caretaking, service, or teaching: babysitting, receptionist at a mental health clinic, teaching theater to kids, working with homeless youth. 

• I ended up applying to law school after college in large part because I didn't know where I was going to live or how to pay for an apartment after college (my family home wasn't an option) and because I had a professor who encouraged me to go to law school.

• After law school, I was hired as a clerk for the Juvenile and Probate Court where I would work under a Judge, but the recession hit in 2008 and my position was eliminated and my offer revoked. I stayed on with the sole practitioner I interned with during law school. 

• As a practicing attorney at that law office, I mostly worked in what I call "sad law." The cases I spent the most time on were wrongful death and murder defense cases. Dealing with death day in and out is draining on the soul.

• I was getting paid hourly even though I worked full-time with no benefits and it wasn't a living wage, so I got a part-time job nights and weekends at a retail store as a sales associate.

3. What was the process like during your job switch? How did it effect you emotionally? Physically?

• I ended up working about 15 hours a week as a sales associate and within 3-4 months, I was promoted to a part-time manager position.  For a year and a half, I worked 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs. 

• I found myself loving my part-time "extra" job and hating my full-time "real" job. It was an insane amount of work doing both, but I couldn't get myself to quit the retail job. One month I realized I had worked 21 days in a row between the two jobs but I still didn't leave. I loved the fast pace, the team I was helping build and train, the social atmosphere with clients and associates, and the fun of being around fashion.

• In 2010, my mother was dying of a brain tumor. One day at my law job, I got a call from her in-home hospice nurse. The call lasted 2 minutes tops. In it, she informed me that she thought my mother had less than 2 weeks to live and that I should make arrangements to stay close to her. When I got off the phone, the attorney I worked for told me that "he really wished I wouldn't take personal calls at work." After that conversation, I quit my law job.

• I called my retail job to let them know what was happening with my mother. They took me off the management schedule immediately and told me that I should spend time with my family. They said I did not need to check back in with them, that they would take care of everything. They just said to call them when I felt ready to return to work.

• After my mother passed, I returned to the retail job into a full-time position that had opened up. I planned to try it out and likely return to a law job at some point when the market was better. I loved the full-time position and felt like it was be an insane choice to go back to a field I hated when I had found one that felt like it was tailor-made for me. 

4. Do you feel you lost anything during this switch? What did you gain?

• In some circles, I lost a sense of prestige. My husband went to a top-tier private prep school for high school and we attend a lot of their alumni events and reunions. When I first attended with him and said I was an attorney, I felt welcomed and like I fit in. When I switched to saying I was a retail manager, I felt like people judged me. I felt like they thought it was more of a blue-collar job than a professional one.

• In another sense, I lost my investment. I have almost $190,000 in student loans from law school for a degree that I'm not currently using. It is a crushing debt that I deal with on a daily basis. I am paid far more as a Store Manager than I ever earned as an attorney, but I am still living paycheck to paycheck and putting a decent amount of my expenses on credit cards. I think law school taught me to be more analytical, which I certainly use in my job now, but that's a high price to pay. I also met my husband in law school and while he is certainly worth $190,000 to me, that's a hell of a price to pay for a first date.

• What I gained is priceless: I love going to work every day. What people don't realize is that as an attorney, I had very little control or autonomy. I felt intellectually bored. The work was repetitious and formulaic. As a manager, I'm running a multi-million dollar business and a staff of twenty plus people. I finally get to use the best of what I have to offer: my strengths as a leader, a teacher, a motivator. I work for a company that respects work-life balance, is more than 90% women, and that I'm proud to be a part of. 

5. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to make a career switch?

• Take StrengthsFinder! It's a Gallup assessment that identifies each person's top five talents. It can be anything from Communication to Adaptability. Then, it suggests different careers that are a great match for those talents. I know hands down that I would never have gone to law school if I had taken this assessment earlier in my life. I think it should be required for all college students before they declare a major!

• Life is too short to be miserable at work. We are at work a majority of our waking hours. I have friends who still say to me (SEVEN years after graduating law school) "I hate being a lawyer, you're so lucky you got out!" They say it like it's a choice they couldn't possibly make for themselves, which baffles me.  

Thank you for inspiring others to follow their passions and play to their strengths! Any questions for Sarah? Any career changes brewing in your heart?

oh, hello.

Part of being your own lady is being honest, and honestly, I miss some of the diary-style entries I used to post on the regular.  I love Be Your Own Lady, and I love sourcing interesting content, but I feel like I'm holding back a little.  I'm also noticing that I have less interaction with readers when I write about Twitter feeds or share interviews than when I'm free associating about family life (poop on the train table?) or my own self esteem (Leslie Knope for President!). I don't care as much about the number of readers- I'm very proud of my content and I love putting together weekly link pages, even if no one reads them- but I do miss the connection.  I want to tell you about Milo's new habit of muttering "Oh. my. gosh." in a drastic voice 254 times a day, and all the words Elliott is copying, and how our "Move" year is going, and how my blood sugar is back on track as of August.  And so I will.  

1. Ben and I set ourselves a health goal for the month of September.  We agreed to cut out sweets of any kind to reduce our sugar intake.  We went to Kimballs and ate clams while the boys had ice cream, we went to a wedding and politely declined the cake (no one noticed, I was hoping for a scene that would possibly shame us into nibbling).  Honestly, it's not the hard, and we get to pick out some sort of reward if we make it all 30 days.  I'm thinking a new band for my Fitbit, or a cute shirt from Modcloth.  I've also been using my Planet Fitness membership 2-3 times a week.  

2. School started with a vengance and I slipped back into the routine so quickly.  I credit an awesome daycare provider, boys who LOVE going to daycare, and being on a really great teaching team.  We're in the third week and I'm finding that going in super early is really refreshing, even if it means giving up some of my morning reading&writing time.  The hours before school when it's quiet are amazing, and starting the day annoyingly prepared makes my day 254 times better than if I settle for "basically ready."

3. This fall is full of things to look forward to, and plenty of trips that have seemed like they were 254 years away until now.  Ben is going away for a few days and I'm actually excited to have one-on-one time with the boys for awhile.  I have a little surprise planned that I'd like to accomplish, and I'll probably order some very bizarre takeout and watch bad TV.  Then, a few weeks later, I'm going to Chicago to watch my sister run the Chicago Marathon!  A lot of my family will be meeting up to cheer her on, and I'll see my baby nephew, and I'll be in a city I've never visited before, and the whole thing is dreamy.  I can't wait.

4. I've finished a bunch of good books, and am planning to take the boys back to the library today to get another set.  I like to read on the elliptical (I'm aware this probably means I'm not working out hard enough but you can hush it) and spent 25 minutes after my workout had completed because I was sucked into a good plot last week.  Books for the win!

That felt good.  I have to go and get into work super early.  Book recommendations, Chicago must-sees, and general encouragement are welcome.  Have a lovely day!

Back to School 2014

And we're back in the swing of it.  These are pictures from Monday, when I was headed to my first staff development day and the boys were back to daycare full time.  We walked across the street a little late and everyone was wiggly and Milo wasn't really feeling it.  Right after we snapped these, Ben took Elliott back to change a poopy diaper.  But both boys were so happy to see their teacher, and Ben and I were happy to leave them for a bit.  I forgot how amazing it is to be greeted by toddlers who had a break from you all day.

My students are back at school and already are more crazy and more normal than I'd ever remembered.  I always underestimate the feeling of having 21+ new people looking at you and saying "Okay, make a class of us!" I have good plans and good people around me, and mostly, good kids.  I'm fighting to keep the optimism of August, and I will succeed.  Here's to a Knope school year.

Channeling Leslie Knope to Kick Ass at Work

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I am almost dangerously obsessed with the TV show Parks and Recreation.  Every summer I rewatch the series on Netflix, and this is where the danger comes in.  You know how Netflix automatically cues up the next episode for you?  If I'm watching on my Kindle while in the kitchen "fixing dinner," there are only about 4 seconds before the next one starts.  Sorry, kids, no one's eating.  There are plenty (my husband among them) who insist that The Office is a better mockumentary series, but there's something about the characters on Parks and Rec that clicks for me.  I love April & Andy's marriage and Ron's stubborn manliness. I want Donna to take me shopping and give me eyebrow advice.  I have a heartbreaking crush on the awkwardly sweet Ben Wyatt.  But I really want to be Leslie Knope.

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Leslie's character started out as a Michael Scott carbon copy; goofy, overzealous, a walking inside joke to all the people who work under her.  If that's what was necessary for the series to take hold, then fine.  Because as the episodes went on, Leslie began transforming.  Her obliviousness became shrewd insight.  Her stuffy suits and formal carriage went from being the punchline to being her backbone.  Her obsession with female politicians stopped representing a pipe dream, and became a fiery motivation that pushed her to get incredible things done for her town.  Through it all, the only thing that doesn't change is her devotion to her job as a public servant.  Leslie defines the word passionate, and the biggest beneficiary of that passion is the town of Pawnee.  When Leslie Knope talks about the town she loves , her face goes all soft and serious and sometimes I get chills. Leslie Knope loves her job, and she never questions her responsibility to do what is best for the people she serves.

I want some of that. 

I work hard at my job, and I'm proud of my teaching career so far.  Still, there are times when I can't see past the end of my own nose.  I'm prone to getting my panties in a bunch. "I have two kids in day care oh my oh my what is for dinner oh my oh my I just got a new student oh my oh the baby has a cold oh my oh my how is there time to work out oh my my?"   I whine about new initiatives that require extra paperwork or learning systems that I don't understand.  I fret about emails with a rude tone.  I let forgetting to make the copies I need ruin my afternoon.  I slump too easily. I get caught up in all the hype.  This is where I could use some Leslie in my life.  I want to feel excited about staff meetings and agendas, to be undaunted by the bureaucratic meetings and red tape that bog down every inch of the public sector.  I want to remember I'm here to serve the families of this community.  I want to operate as if I truly believe that I work at the best school in the whole country.

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Things I can do to Leslify my work life:

1. Set goals.  Leslie wants to run for office.  Any office (actually, the highest office).  Each little project she completes becomes a careful documented stepping stone on her path.  While goals are set for me each year, I want to set at least one of my own.  I'm thinking something about children's literature or my classroom webpage- two of my favorite aspects of teaching. And I need to get some binders going.  Leslie loves binders.

2. Deck out my work area.  As evidenced during her many face-to-face interviews during the course of the show, Leslie's office is a shrine to her passions.  She has framed pictures of her idols, certificates of recognition, and little mementos that personalize her space.  Her desk is always clean and neat and in general it feels warm and productive.  I want some pictures of my family, pictures of role models, and systems to keep myself organized.  I'll walk in each morning after my hearty breakfast of waffles and whipped cream and get down to business.

3. Tone it down for no one.  Leslie is upbeat and on message no matter her audience.  When April rolls her eyes, Leslie hugs her tighter.  When Ron is disgusted with her gusto, she raises her voice slightly.  When Jamm spews hatred, she lifts her chin.  I often find myself shifting my voice, my views, even my values when I'm with friends or coworkers who might think differently than me.  I tend to be eager to please, at work especially, and I'm embarrassed how quickly I shape-shift with my work friends.  Leslie knows where she stands, and she bends for no one.  Here's the kicker: everyone loves her more for it.  

I'm not stupid.  I know that's easy and even acceptable to feel discouraged at work.  Leslie-levels of cheerfulness are borderline annoying if not finessed perfectly.  I don't need only 3 hours of sleep and I don't have all encompassing knowledge of every aspect of my job.  But I do work in a public service position, and I do have coworkers who are also my best friends.  I genuinely look forward to going to work.  And sometimes, when I'm being a little self-indulgent, I like the idea of using my teaching career to make my town a better place.  I like being part of what makes my school somewhere you want to send your kids.

I'm going to put a picture of Leslie Knope at my desk.  A token to Our Lady of Ambition. I'm going to try to channel her loving, infectious energy at least half of the times that I feel frustrated with some aspect of teaching in a public school.  I'm going to let Leslie give me permission to enthusiastically love where I live and what I do, without embarrassment. 

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"Look, I'm not crazy, I know Pawnee isn't Paris or London or Chicago, but it's a great place to live and work. And serving the goofballs in this town is an honor and a privilege. And yes, every town claims its diner's waffles are the best in the world, but somewhere, in some town there really are the best waffles in the world. So delicious and rich and golden brown that anyone who tasted them would decide never to leave that town. Somewhere those waffles exist, why can't it be here?" -Leslie Knope

PS- This Etsy shop has some amazing Leslie Knope artwork and other happily feminist posters that I would kill for.  New wishlist: everything here.

don't fix it

This morning it's cold and rainy and the house smells like oil for some reason we can't figure out.  We had people in, even called them after their work when it still smelled so badly.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night (Milo next to me, Ben on the couch, Elliott whimpering) and the smell hit me like a wall.  I got up and walked around and wrung my hands a little, but right now it's something that no one can do anything about.  It just exists.  This oil smell that reminds me how little I really understand about how my house works.

Milo just woke up to come hang out with me.  He has a black eye, from a train track that hit him at school.  I think he was pulling it from someone, got it away from them, and went flying backwards.  He hit himself with it, and it was just a little mark until days later.  Now it looks like he got into the eye shadow- purple and green right below the eyebrow.  He says it doesn't hurt.  Thinking about his black eye reminds me how little I really understand about his day, most days.  I'm not there.  I can look at pictures of the year, read the daily list of facts about eating and sleeping, check his sticker chart for having a dry diaper.  But I don't really know what he says to his friends, or how much he interacts with Elliott, or what his routine looks like.  I have to wait for summer for that.

My personality never stops wanting, and I'm constantly wondering about other situations I could be in.  I only recently stopped describing myself as someone who was planning my next life.  I want to do every single thing that can be done, so it doesn't surprise me that some days I want to spend every waking second with my two greatest accomplishments, and other days I want to be miles away from the screaming kids that live in my house.  I never, ever felt sad coming back from maternity leaves.  For mother's day, my gift was being away from my children for an entire day.  But lately, I've felt uncomfortable about being away from them.  I'm not sure why.

Another thought hit me yesterday, while I was calculating the boring purchases I needed to make (baby gate to replace a wrecked one, carbon monoxide detector that was not related to and yet incredibly related to the weird oil smell) and weighing their importance against my next paycheck, and thinking about how the daycare checks would stop over the summer, and how much easier things will be when ...we have a bigger house, ...we don't have to pay so much for daycare, ...we eventually (hopefully) live closer to family, ...I'm home with the boys this summer.  And then wisdom hit me in a scary, clarifying slap: no it won't.  Nothing will be easier.  When we live in a bigger house, our mess will expand to fit the space.  When we have more money, our expenses will shoot up.  We'll always spend all of it.  We'll always want more.

I have to operate under the assumption that right now is absolutely as good as it is ever going to get.  I have to be comfortable that I'm leaving Milo and Elliott in good hands during working hours, get used to pinching pennies or using the credit card when we need a baby gate and there's no other way, and stop wishing away hours, even during the weird vortex of the last two weeks of school.  I have to trust that the oil smell will go away, or it won't, and then a combination of Google and neighborly advice and the phone numbers stuck to the furnace will guide me.  I don't understand how any of this works, but it's working, and right now, I'm not willing to drive myself crazy to figure out why.

But, Einstein, there's a problem with fairy tales...

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We're learning about fairy tales in first grade.  It's a really fun unit, with lots of talk about fairy tale elements, fractured fairy tales, and alternate endings.  We're also pushing story elements in general (characters, setting, problem, solution) as a way to wrap up studying literature at the end of the year.  We ask the same questions over and over again.  Does this story use the rule of 3 or 7?  Was royalty involved?  Were there magic words?  What was the problem?  How was it solved?

Identifying the problem is such an important life skill, and you can usually get into some great conversations about the different layers of a conflict in a story and which problem was the most important one.  But when studying fairy tales, it gets pretty bleak.  This week we're reading Cinderella, and we start the week with a classic version before moving into different cultural or fractured retellings.  Here are some excerpts from our post-read class discussion:

"So what is the problem in this version of Cinderella?"

"Um...they are mean to her."

"Yeah, and she does all the work, all the time."

"She has a bad life."

"I agree.  How did this problem get solved?  What changed?"

"Her sisters decided to be nice to her and she forgave them!"

"Why did they decide to be nice to her?"

"She was pretty.  They didn't know she could be so pretty."

"She did look different at the ball, that's true.  Is that why they changed their behavior?"

"I think it's because she became a princess, and you can't be mean to princesses."

[At this point I realized I had kept digging because I thought we were going to get to something deeper, but that's it.  The only positive change came from getting married to a prince.  I didn't want to write it on the board.]

"I think you're right.  The only real change in the this story came when she got married to the prince.  Then her life got better."

[The girls were smiling and I panicked a little.]

"But, even though it's romantic, it's not very likely in real life.  Do you think any of us will marry princes or princesses?"

[Hysterical laughter.  Almost in danger of losing them.  I pulled it back.]

"Doubtful.  So pretend you're Cinderella, and marrying a prince is out of the question.  What could she do to get a better life?"

"She should have stood up for herself."

"Yes!  I agree!  What could she say?"

"She should have said, 'You can't treat me that way.'"\

 [Direct from our classroom procedure for speaking to someone who wronged you!]

"I think that's a very good idea.  What else?"

"She could find a new family with nice people in it."

"That's a possibility, too.  The story says that Cinderella is strong and kind, so I know she would have found a way to get a better life, even if she never met the prince."

I wish I actually believed that.  I felt very magical sharing fairy tales with my tech-obsessed modern kiddos, but so far we've uncovered that Jack was a greedy thief who abused his beanstalk, Goldilocks was guilty of breaking and entering, and Cinderella was persecuted because she was too beautiful to stand- only royalty could get her high enough to stop being hurt by people who were jealous of her. Even the chick in Rumpelstiltskin happily marries the prince who three times threatened to kill her if she didn't produce enough gold.  That's just a side plot.  None of the characters face consequences.  Happily ever after means married, rich, and not getting in trouble for your crimes.

I know there are versions that remedy this- I just found a retelling of Goldilocks at the library in which she makes the beds, helps the family fix the chair, and then they make another breakfast together.  Fractured fairy tales are humorous and usually show character flaws in the heroes or heroines, which opens up great conversations about perspective.  But the basics, the classics, have dark themes and zero self-esteem building for girls, or boys, or anyone.

I think this is why I love the movie Frozen so much.  Love at first sight is mocked and shown to be silly and unsafe, the love that saves the day is a love between sisters, and the male lead character asks permission before kissing the girl he likes.  Not his true love forever wife- it doesn't end with wedding bells.  And the kiss is a sweet addendum to the real climax, where sisters embrace and Anna punches the bad guy all by herself.  I'm weirdly grateful to Disney that, even while retelling another fairy tale (we covered that most Disney movies are based on fairy tales heavily in our introduction at school), they were able to make this one so fresh and modern and fair.

Next year when we take out the fairy tale unit, one of the most important things will be modern day alternate endings that I'm going to have the students write.  I never want to stop sharing the magic of dragons and giants and castles and adventure, but I also want the students to recognize that you can have magic and still be a good person, that you can be strong without being a prince, that you can have a good life without ending up married and rich.  It seems a little deep for 6-year-olds, but this is the age where those messages get embedded.  My favorite quote about education (and life) is from Cardinal Thomas Wolsey: “Be very, very careful what you put in that head because you will never, ever get it out.”

Any tips for sharing fairy tales without completely betraying everything you believe about appropriate behavior for men, women, and dragons?  I'm going to be scanning the A Mighty Girl character list to see if any good book recommendations pop up.  I'd love any advice.  Happy reading.

Masters of Education

I graduated from Fitchburg State (I never know whether to call it college or university- I know what I'm supposed to call it, but it feels weird) with a Masters of Early Childhood Education on Thursday night.  I am now, as the college president called during our ceremony, a "double falcon."

I felt a little guilty because I did not, contrary to all the speeches tritely given at our ceremony, give it my all, fulfill my dreams, or reach for any stars.  I know it's a law tha graduation ceremonies cannot escape using at least one of these phrases, but I did not stretch my brain to the limit.  I got by with a bare minimum, sometimes.  Often.  I was not there by sheer force of will, but because I needed further education to keep my teaching license.  All teachers in Massachusetts have to get a Master's degree.  It is unavoidable.  

I also felt a little silly because I decided to walk.  I spent my family's tight resources to buy the cap and gown, I paid a babysitter to watch my kids, and had my husband leave work early.  My mother spent her time off work and bought PLANE TICKETS.  She took us out to dinner.  There was lots of fanfare.  All for what?  For something that everyone has to do.  For a government requirement that is probably, in the long run, mostly situated to make the colleges more money.

But here is the thing: I love ceremony.  I love tradition, and I love recognition.  When I put on the robes and Milo said, "Mama, ghost!", I got a little thrill.  When I talked through the rec center where the graduates gathered and all the staff gave us numbers and checked our name pronunciation and said, over and over, "Congratulations," I felt proud.  I said, "Thank you.  So much."  When Ben jumped down from the bleachers and hugged me as I stepped off the stage, I got butterflies.  When I got to hug my mama and have her be proud of me in person, I was so happy I had decided to go through with the "silliness."  We went to dinner at Mezcal and had adult conversation and we would never do that on a Thursday if I hadn't decided to celebrate the most recent milestone.  On Friday, my vice principal congratulated myself and two other friends in a school-wide email, and I was completely spoiled with coworkers taking time to give me a hug, or a thumbs up.  The same friends who had to go through all the same hoops, and had celebrated the same accomplishments, didn't begrudge me a little "woohoo!" and shared the relief of being done.

I don't think finished with my education.  One day, I'd like to be a children's librarian, and in Mass, that requires more degrees.  That would be my true dream fulfillment.  But for now, I'm reveling in the pride of my job that supports my community, gives my family health insurance, and puts me in contact with one of the most important support systems I've ever had- my work family.  Thank you, Mama, for coming and seeing me.  Thank you, family (Julianna, Emily, Linda, Laurel, Tanya) and lovely friends (ALL OF YOU) for the messages sent from all over the country.  Thank you, friends (Shayna, Kate, and Lindsay), for watching my kids while I'm at class.  Thank you, Southeast, for cheering me on and making me feel special, even when I'm doing what all of you have already pulled off.  Thank you, Ben, for infinite patience and taking the boys when I needed to finish a paper.  Thanks for reading, too.

Mother's Day Gifts For People Exactly Like Me.

Mother's Day is shockingly soon.  I think a late Easter is the reason, but honestly, as soon as I start talking about how late Easter was this year and how I can't even believe it's already May, I begin boring even myself.  I'm only 28, so why are my conversational instincts so ancient and mundane?  Neither here nor there.

In real life, all I want for Mother's Day is to go to breakfast and then have a day to myself.  Last year I had breakfast with the boys and then left for Boston and spent the day with Laurel and we went to the SOWA Open Market and ate from food trucks and it was a dream.  This year I will likely be working on my final grad project, but at least it will be quiet.  If the gift of time is something you can give the mother in your life, I vote do it.  If not, here are some other ideas for dynamite mamas.

1. I think this I'm So Tired shirt from  hello apparel is so funny.  
2. Cute card I found on Etsy.  I want to send this to my mama.
3. My favorite way to treat myself is getting my nails done.  If you get your mom a gift certificate, have it be for pedicure and manicure.  No one wants to choose. (image credit)
4. This cheery alarm clock is gorgeous.  If you hear it go off, LEAVE YOUR MOM ALONE.  It's her time.

5. Another card from Etsy.  This one caught my eye for the color and cute design; it totally reminds me of Madeline.  The whole shop is lovely.
6. You need to make sure your mom is in the market for a fitness tool or this gift will be rude and awkward, but I really want a Fitbit Flex.  The tangerine wristband is rad.
7. I no longer take pictures with anything beyond my phone, but these Instax Mini cameras spit out ridiculously cute instant pictures.  I've been coveting one for awhile.
8. This picture is actually from Mother's Day last year, when Ben and the boys humored me and we went to one of my favorite diners for breakfast.  Does your mom have a favorite thing?  Do it with her.  Better than any gift.

Zazzle.com contacted me awhile back and asked me to review one of their products for mother's day.  Zazzle lets you customize almost any item you can possibly think of, so I ended up using a cute picture of the boys and putting it on a phone case- when it comes in, I'll share!  For now, check out their sale prices (good through today) and see if anything looks good for mama over there.

Of course, the greatest gift of all is getting the hell out of dodge (if you're younger than 18) or showering your mom with attention (if you're older than 18).  Don't wonder what your mom wants- ask her!  What do you want/want to give for mother's day?  

monday, april 28th, at 6:13am

Everyone is sleeping.  There are loud birds outside.  In just the space of an hour, our house will be a hive of activity.  Lunches in bags, breakfast splatters being wiped up, searching for the right underwear with that dress, the elusive matching sock.  Prep for the week has been done: chopped veggies and roasted sweet potatoes and a huge pot of brown rice.  Most of the clothes are folded.  Most of the clutter is tidied.  It will only be this quiet for a few more minutes.  It is absolutely perfect in here, just waiting.

Before I finish this post, I'll hear the soft patter of Milo vaulting over the side of his crib and padding out into the living room.  I'll hold him and show him the new shelves with all his toys.  I'll remember how much I liked picking them out yesterday, at Ikea, with his father.  We looked at other people with kids and pretended we were dating again.  Milo and I will watch Peppa Pig and negotiate about when it will be time for breakfast.  We'll hear little stretch and yawn noises from around the corner, where Elliott is sleeping with Daddy, where he has been since sometime around 4am.  Then, all at once, the house will be throbbing and loud and the day and week and month will start.

I was up early, before it was light, to sip coffee and read different articles.  I stocked up on quiet and privacy.  I cried if something was sad and clicked save on things I found special enough to share.  I strengthened my reserves to get ready for my real life, where little kids need me in the morning and at night, and slightly less little kids will be eagerly waiting for me in the classroom hours, kids who are as desperate for their routine as I am for my morning time.  We'll share news and hugs and talk about the countdown for summer, and I'll try to remember how wildly different those 8 weeks are for some of them.  Not everyone "can't wait."

I live for these moments.  The couple of seconds before the next big chunk of time.  I like the month before a new baby is born, the first week of a new year, the night before a birthday, the morning before school starts again.  The last few minutes before everyone wakes up.

walk it off

The past week has been a complete whirlwind.  Elliott and I went to Florida.  Pink eye took over our household.  One of my sisters was in an earthquake while on a fancy business trip to California.  One of my sisters celebrated her coming baby.  One of my sisters got engaged. 

Sometimes stupid moms say things like, "Honestly, my kids never get sick, and we've never even HAD an ear infection" and then both ears are infected and your kid lifts his tiny head and is so swollen from fighting bacteria that he looks like a tiny Rocky Balboa and you cry, in the nursery, in the morning, and do some quick math to figure out if you have enough sick days left to cover this ish.  Those moms are dumb.

I've been thinking much, much, much too much.  Thinking about what is WRONG with me.  Why is my house so dirty?  Why can't I lose weight?  Why do I always feel like I'm inconveniencing day care or massively letting down work?  Why do I spend my time so poorly?  Why am I such a mess? Why can't I handle this stuff without subjecting people to post after post after post about the same mundane problems that everyone deals with and why is everyone doing it BETTER?  I quickly remember that I'm just how I am and if I went for a walk I'd probably calm down and I think about the advice I gave my sister at her baby shower, as the mom with the most recent kids.  There were lots of young pregnant ladies in there.  I felt pressure to make it good.

"No one knows that they're doing.  That's my advice.  None of us know what we're doing.  And if it seems like we do, we're lying." 

I plan to get myself organized (snort) and get back on track over here.  I have a word-of-the-year update for February and March, another write feed play read, and a really cool interview project that I'm excited about.  Stay tuned, lovelies. 

Guest post up at Liberating Working Moms!

Today I'm over at Liberating Working Moms talking about the (phony, stressful, unwinnable) pursuit of happiness.  This picture kills me, because I'll never forget standing in front of daycare that morning, five outfits carefully picked out for the week, new lunch boxes, sharpened pencils, and an innocent sense that now I finally had it all figured out.

"My husband looked so concerned when he told me he thought I wasn’t happy.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that no one is."

Read the rest to finally hear me admit out loud (Mom) that I find it impossible to live life without wishing for something else: Work, Family, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

at the moment I'm... no. 6

...cozy.  I promised myself that I wouldn't go on and on about THE TIME CHANGE, BLARRGGG, but seriously, I am snuggled up with Milo tucked next to me and lots of blankets piled up on us and it seems like we could sit happily on this couch forever.  It's hard to get going at work in the morning, but I'll take it for the lighter afternoons.  We've already been on one family walk and more are in our future.  Ben comes home from work when it's just getting dark.  Everyone is sick of snow and ready for spring, which is a huge charm of living here; the weather changes drastically 4 times a year and we're always ready for the new.

...studious.  As much as I try to downplay the classes I'm taking and not allow them to take up a ton of space in my schedule, I do have weekly homework and readings and I have to pay attention.  One week of thinking I could bang out homework day-of during my lunch break showed me that I was fooling myself and looking like a fool in the process.  Monday night I set up my laptop in the kitchen after the boys were in bed and spent two hours e-mailing my project advisor, checking the blackboard postings for my RETELL class, and finishing rubrics and lesson plan reports for both classes.  For my final project of my masters I'm researching the effect of rubrics on the writing of young students, and this is an awesome excuse to make Pinterest a legitimate part of doing homework (RESEARCH OF COURSE).  I wanted to crash on the couch, but it did feel good to be accomplished.

...rethinking.  This weird thing has been happening to me, and I don't really have the right words to describe it, which gets really frustrating.  It's the tiniest change in mindset that is helping me get through my days with so much less angst, and that's saying a lot for this dramatic overthinker.  Basically, in the morning, I picture my whole day as a kind of one-time-only commitment. Old work day= 1. wake up and grumble to work 2. get to work and grumble through work 3. get home and get ready for the next day of grumbling.  New weekday= wake up, have coffee, evaluate different roles that day.  Some teaching, some obligations (appointments, phone calls, etc), some chores, some writing, maybe a playdate, maybe a haircut.  I think my old way of thinking was too cut and dry, so IT IS MONDAY A WORK DAY I WORK AND THAT IS ALL I DO.  If things go badly at work, my day sucked and can't be fixed.  This gives me a chance to be successful somewhere WORK WAS TOUGH BUT WE HAD A GREAT LIBRARY TRIP AND I DID A LOAD OF LAUNDRY SO TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER PLUS I'M AWESOME. I also feel better about being a working mama when I keep the mama part in that title as important as the working part, and honor that during the week, too.  I think most people naturally think that way, but it's been revolutionary for me.

...loving the myfitnesspal app, picking out presents for my little nephew, gathering summer gear for the trip Elliott and I are taking to Florida, Madeline L'Engle books, my daily breakfast, professional development days, my new organizational pad from etsy, tattoo plans, face cleansing wipes (LAZY FOREVER), and dreaming of outdoor adventure.

*I borrowed the idea of at the moment posts from yourwishcake- her blog is a do not miss. 

at the moment I'm... no. 5

pictures from our first family trip on the T last weekend

grateful...that everyone is sleeping and it's almost 6 am.  It's been weeks since this morning time was private.  It's a toss up because I do love the extra snuggle I can get when Elliott wakes up early or Milo staggers out asking for milk before his eyes are even open, but this quiet time feeds me.   

sad...that vacation is over.  This would be a no-brainer except I am normally very desperate for our routine and I don't think I've ever gotten to the end of a summer or vacation and not been very excited to get back.  I was kind of startled on Sunday night when I realized I would miss being home with the boys.  Maybe it was because no one was sick this time, or because work stress is more ramped up than I ever remember it being, but I could have gone a few more weeks playing stay-at-home mama.  That's why I'm lucky to be a teacher- April vacation isn't too far away.

dreaming...of the summer.  For obvious reasons, and also because I really want to get into more "homeschool" kind of activities with the boys.  I'm watching Milo's language explode, and I want to capitalize on this spongy period.  Last summer we did theme weeks, and I'm hoping to maybe do color weeks this summer?  Or a week of colors, a week of shapes, a week of numbers, a week of letters.  I also want to ask around and see if any other local families want to come over once a week, just circle time and a craft?  I can't think of anything better.

proud...of my Sunday night food prep.  It took me three hours to food shop, plan, chop, cook, and bag things this week, but all of it was time saving.  I chopped and bagged up five days of veggies for Ben and I for lunches, bagged five days of popcorn for Ben and Milo for lunches, bagged Ben's lunch snacks (I put a cheese stick, fruit snacks, granola bar, and veggies all in one bag to make it easy for him to run out the door) prepped five containers of hummus for lunches, shredded a rotissere chicken, drained and rinsed beans, chopped two heads of broccoli, made a dozen egg and ham breakfast muffins, roasted a pan of sweet potato wedges, cooked a huge pot of a rice, and made a huge pot of chicken vegetable soup.  It seems like overkill, but when I get home from work at 4:20, I have to pack four lunches and have dinner on the table by 6:00.  Add in that I usually want to play with the boys or do some little art project, and I have so little time.  If you're thinking that I should pack lunches after they go to bed, please understand that on a MAJORITY of the nights of the week, by the time Ben gets home, I am very close to falling asleep on the floor with my nose in The Little Blue Truck.

At the moment I'm still rested from our February break and not yet exhausted from being back in the swing of work and classes.  It's only Tuesday, but I'll take it for now.  

*I borrowed the idea of at the moment posts from yourwishcake- her blog is a do not miss. 

at the moment I'm...no. 4

...excited that my blog was just accepted to Top Baby Blogs!  If you like this place, you can vote daily to show your support.  The more votes we get, the higher we rise on this list of "family" blogs.  It's good exposure, and I feel a little geeky thrill because it's where I first found a lot of the people who inspired me to start blogging myself.  I also feel a little strange asking for votes, but I'm exploring making a side career out of my writing, and this is one of the things to try.  If you're interested in voting, you can click here or on the icon in my side bar.  Wish me luck!

...fighting a cold.  Like Meg-Ryan-in-You've-Got-Mail, gave-up-homeopathic-and-pumped-full-of-chemicals, entirely-different-tone-of-voice caliber cold.  I know it got it from the babies, and I feel terribly that they've been dealing with this for a week.  I'm moody and all I want to do is eat donuts and sleep, but I really need to save my sick time for sick children, and Ben is working this Saturday, so I'm still on duty.  I've been finding solace in tons of natural honey-based cough syrup and Target brand dayquil.

...battling a funk.  Winter funks get me every time.  Luckily, I caught this one when I found myself reevaluating my entire life and planning my escape from teaching and imagining a completely different existence where I...weave rugs, or some shit.  I realized that I was not unhappy with my job or my future.  Just my month.  Things that make me feel better include: making the bed, packing lunches and cleaning up from dinner before sitting down on the couch, drinking tons of water, and spending extra time reading.  Ironically, my funk makes me want to do NONE of these things.  It's a beast.

...indulging in an extra dose of social media.  I've found that I really love representing myself on Instagram.  When I take the time to capture things beyond just my kids, (even though they're still featured stars) I get more excited about those parts of my life where I could use some extra motivation.  I spend a lot of time in my life picking out books for my children, my students, and myself.  Sharing them on  Instagram gives a better picture of who I am in my feed.  Same goes for the energy I put into planning meals and doing a family dinner, even when it's just the boys and I at night.  I've stopped feeling defensive when people say, "Pictures only get shared for praise and feedback.  People are looking for external validation."  DUH.  Why else are we sharing pictures and sharing our life?  Because feedback feels good.  It helps me celebrate what I love and commiserate when things are hard.  I have more thoughts about the backlash against social media, but for now, I'm just Instagramming away.

(I borrowed the idea of at the moment posts from yourwishcake- her blog is a do not miss.) 

free association

Elliott turned one, and we had his birthday party.  Cake, friends, balloons, a fake photobooth, mostly just the friends, filling the house to bursting.  I wish we could have invited 70 more people.  It was one of the rare moments where I stopped and realized "we are loved.  we are treasured.  we have people.  this is awesome."  Thank you, all of you, for making our family work.  For validating my need to share and get feedback and show off this little life, with all the ups and downs.  It was a good party.  After the last friend left, I laid down flat on the floor with shreds of a silver wig pressing into my face, and Milo sat on my back, and I drank the rest of the champagne.

This morning the boys were up early.  Like, from 1am on, and when all of us and the cat in the full sized bed wasn't working, I brought the boys out here to play and clean up diapers and watch Megamind, which I really liked but I'm burnt out on it and only exhaustion kept me from fighting for Wreck It Ralph.  We had time for the entire movie, some balloon olympics, eggs and fruit, storytime, and cleaning the kitchen.  By 7:20 both kids had been given cough syrup and put back to bed.  I've lived half a day and it's only 8, and I'm alone in a quiet house.  

My mind is everywhere.  My heart is sore and my brain jumbled, dwelling on a real-life sadness, one of the things that makes it so I don't need to read Jodi Picoult or watch dramatic movies.  Real life is sad enough, even heard about from a distance.  Work is overwhelming, and I wonder if it's right.  If I'm a right fit.  If I could move a small step up or down and be more effective.  I'm wondering if I could ever make money by writing.  The kind of money that sends kids to daycare and puts kale on the table, even if we pick Ramen for Saturday lunch over half the time.  There is a big part of me that truly thinks it's selfish to even wonder.  I have a job that provides SO MUCH for my family, money and medical care and a predictable schedule and the gift of time.  Whether or not I'm fulfilled is a separate matter.  Maybe the first goal is to learn how to fulfill yourself, make yourself happy, get a hobby and get really good and it and shoulder through the work.  See it for what it is and look for your fulfillment in the moments before, after, and in between.  Count your lucky stars.

So that's a tiny corner of my brain right now, a constant beat with "WE NEED YOGURT" and "FIND BABYSITTER FOR MONDAY" thrown in for good measure.  Right now I'm going to take advantage of this silence and read, and have more coffee, and make a list of things to get done like any sane person on a Sunday morning.  I'm happy, and I'm lucky, and I'm home.

(image credit here, found it via pinterest, text added by me)

at the moment I'm... no. 3

...happy to be back into our routine.  If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know it was getting bad near the end there.  We were home for two days (plus the weekend) longer than expected, we were sick and snowed in for the majority of that time, and I was not a gracious mama.  The first day back at work, I was giddy, my students were angelic, and when I picked the kids up at daycare, all the babies were grinning and laughing and dancing around with glee.  I think most of us are creatures of routine, and we were glowing.

...a LITTLE behind with our word of the year.  Moving isn't coming super naturally, which is why it's our word in the first place.  This weekend Ben and I started getting closer to agreeing on a location, and we talked about getting in touch with people to take steps to list the house.  As far as bodies, I've been to the gym once (see: snow storm, sickness) and have played in the living room more with the kids, but I need to figure out how to get the boys moving more on a typical day.  Indoor play places need to be hit, too.

...sweetly sad that Elliott turns one in under a week.  My tiny baby is a toddler.  I keep thinking about this week a year ago.  I remember being stressed about appointments and gestational diabetes and low fluid levels and having no clue how much my life was about to change.  We're having a special breakfast for him on Tuesday morning, and a little party in a few weekends.

...proud of Milo's words and communication.  Over the past few weeks, I've noticed him really shifting from answering questions or describing his toys to telling us stories about things that happen.  When I got home from work last night, Ben was playing trains with the boys in the living room.  Milo started telling me about the train situation at  daycare, "Beeeg tunnuls, Mama.  Bocks.  Nise! Choo choos, Jakie, tunnuls."  Which means they made big tunnels with blocks at Miss. Denise's house, and that Jakie played, too.  At dinner, we asked him questions about different things that happened at school, and we found out who had and had not peed or pooped on the potty.  It seems small, especially when kids his age are often saying so much more, but it's a huge difference from where he was even a few months ago, at his last evaluation.  It's also a glimpse of a different place in parenting, chatting with a kid over the dinner table, telling knock knock jokes and explaining how the quesadilla maker works.  That's something to look forward to.